


The Dark Lord and his minio-.......friends

by abgrn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Shakespeare works -no knowledge needed, What Have I Done, matchmaker married Tom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8044594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abgrn/pseuds/abgrn
Summary: The Dark Lord is having a rather stressful day. His protégé is injured and head over heels for his potion master who won't admit the same , his wife is nagging him and to top it off the hardheaded muggleborn who invaded  his manor has no intention of  leaving.





	The Dark Lord and his minio-.......friends

**Author's Note:**

> This was purely for fun -complete crack not to be taken seriously enjoy!!!! Comments welcome

Tom sat in his throne, tapping his fingers on the arm. Could meetings get anymore boring? And , better yet, Emma had said something about furniture rearranging afterwards. Honestly he loved the woman , truely he did, but he was honestly lost when she started on her tangents. Zoning back in Macnair seemed to babbling about something in the Department of magical creatures but he really couldn't drag up the motivation to care. Sometimes being a dark lord was great ......other times not so much. 

Just then a popping sounded and a dark haired woman crumpled to the ground.  
"Bella" he cried before jumping up and scooping her into his arms.  
"Meeting dismissed !!" Sprinting to the medical wing , joined by his wife, he laid her on the bad and let Emma work her literal magic.  
"Jesus Tom what did you do?"  
"Honest love it wasn't my fault "  
" Scram and let me do my job! "  
"But ...."  
"Do you want to sleep on the couch?"  
"Er.... yes dear."

Tom paced his sitting room for what felt like hours before he was joined by a frantic Regulus.  
"My Lord!! What happened? Is Bella alright? Who do I kill?"  
Were all the Blacks this violent?  
Tom got his answer when Lucius came flying through the door ,landing flat on his ass.  
"What the hell happened to you?"  
"My wife beat me up" Lucius looked as dazed and confused as Tom felt until a fuming Cissa stormed into the room and grabbed Toms robes.  
"WHERE IS MY SISTER? "  
"Cissa shes resting..." Tom tried weakly only to get slapped for his troubles. She was about to kick down the door when Bella emerged with Emmas hand securely around her waist.  
"How are you feeling my dear?"  
"Good m'lord Rhodolphus hits like a girl anyways." She tried to joke but failed miserably. 

 

They guided her to the couch and Tom rubbed her leg soothingly as Cissa and Regulus murmured comforting words. Bella tried to be strong but couldn't hold back her wince as she shifted, uncomfortable but too sore to move. Tom snarled as he spotted her movements. How dare he? When Tom was done with him there would be nothing left! !! Unfortunately someone else beat him to it.  
Agonised screams tore through the now arkward silence and everyone leapt up eager to see the violence.  
They found an enraged Severus beating up a wandless Rhodolphus, his own wand lying forgotten on the floor.  
Tom 'hmmmed' in appreciation. Muggle fighting. Sneaky. He approved. All males winced as Rhodolphus was kneed where no man wants to be kneed.

Bella looked like a confused puppy. "Why... why is he doing that? Not that I object but..."  
"Why for you of course? " Emma smiled like there was some exciting secret he was not privy to. Women.  
"Enough Severus. It would be a shame if he died in one sitting, no?"  
"As you command master."  
See this was why Severus was his favourite. Violent, smart , obedient and violent.

 

After triple checking on her sister (which apparently needed half an hour of his precious time and good tea) Narcissa and Lucius took their leave with promises to return tomorrow with chocolate.  
Severus cleared hiso throat."I should be leaving also master"  
"Sit back down Severus."  
"Yes master" Tom knew he couldn't let Severus go home in this state, he'd murder anyone who so much as looked at him. He was still shaking for merlins sake!

As the familiar whirl of portkey began Tom groaned. Seriously were wards a thigh of the past? Let's invite Dumbledore and the aurors too while we're at it he thought bitterly. 

A redheaded woman stumbledo once lavish carpet (Tom hated it but really didn't have to heart to tell Emma the one she picked looked like someone vomited on Dumbledores robes. He was no Gryffindor)  
"Lily!" Bella caught her as she fell and Severus froze , looking like he'd love nothing more than to runaway crying.  
"Uh if James and Sirius complain about how they can't play pranks I'm going to......Uh where are we?"  
"Welcome to slytherin manor???" Bella splayed her hands in a 'it's not my fault don't blame me gesture ' while Emma stood andown shook her hand.  
"Welcome Lily please have a seat.My name is Emma."  
"Pleased to meet you Emma um..." Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously."Sorry for barging in like this.."  
"Oh it's not your fault you're not the one giving people portkeys to the house" She glared at Bella who shrunk back with a sheepish smile.  
"I told she could come see me if Dumb and Dumber got too much." 

Lily smiled at Regulus" Hi reg nice to see you again."  
"You too Lily , how are ya'?"  
"Good good"  
They made small talk for what felt like years and Tom really needed a drink at this point. He wanted to hit someone with the vodka bottle and then drink it. Yes that sounded good.  
"Um hi Severus"  
"Lily. Long time no see."  
"ENOUGH small talk! Please! For the love of Lucifer stop!!" Tom couldn't take it anymore.  
"Oh have some patience"  
"I don't! That's why I don't read mystery novels!!"  
"I don't believe we've met" Lily interjected between the squabbling couple.  
"Riddle. Tom Riddle." She giggled and he shook her hand as Emma passed around tea.  
"Also known as Lord Voldemort, he-who-must-not-be-named , you-know-who or bastard occasionally."  
Lily's tea and spit stained the carpet.  
"WHAT? Hang on how am I not dead.? "  
"We could change that if you like."  
Apparently he failed to keep the eagerness out of his voice. Epically. He got the 'couch glare' and a smack from Bella.  
Regulus frowned. "Mother always said it's bad manners to kill your guests."  
"The fact that you had to be told that worries me."  
"Oh don't be so ridiculous Severus." Severus and Bella began to bicker as Emma cooed "Aw it's like Romeo and Juliet."

Lily stared at her in horror. "They died. That's BAD."  
Tom nodded empathathetically. "I agree there's so much Shakespeare could've done with that!"  
"Oh yes! And the merchant of Venice. "  
"Yes Bassonio 4evr!!"  
They got into a heated debate while Bella and Severus continued to argue. It got so bad that the sexual tension was almost tangible. Tom had had enough.  
"Right you two. Off to a broom closet with you."  
"Is that an order my lord."  
He pretended he didn't see their crossed fingers and nodded.  
"Yes." Before shooing them out. As an afterthought he yelled after them "Bring back vodka too...!"


End file.
